Hi Jon,
Thank-you for those insights. Much gratitude.

In anything your friends will tell you. They will be right and wrong.
Right from where they are, non toxic.
Wrong from where you are, toxic.

So if you want to be better you need to start adopting their consciousness. Be a good student. They are where you want to be, clean of tox.

Easy to say, the dynamics are multi-dimensional.
And both are right depending on the perspective.

Whatever you do, you can only be responsible, forget the attitude, it's not in control yet. You are not there yet.

Once I was at home with my girl friend. I was often flooded with adrenalin rushes during my tox days. But that day, I could feel the adrenaline pissing my vains. I felt rage coming up. I said to her, call 911. I went outside to protect our belongings and couldn't contain myself of this urge of fury.

I wish outside of my house at the time, was an arena with a hungry lion.
I would have charged him with my arms open, roaring at him, with such a determination that he probably to my dismay, would have run away, when I was up to a fight really bad ( I was 150 pounds and never fought in my life).
It was around Halloween in Western Mass, so in turn of a roman arena, I found pumpkins on my front door.
So I started smashing pumpkins. Every minute was like an hour. After I ran out of pumpkins, I got inside the front porch and started smashing a tim pot that was there.

The police came up, I have a high regard for those authority. But I was seeing red. Police officer came up and said 'what's going on?'.
I roared at him "I don't know what the **** is going on".
So this 6'3 officer put me down on the ground. And for someone that never fought it my life, it took that guy more than 10 seconds to bring me down.

Now even though I wanted to be restrained fault of being able to restrain myself, I resisted.
Why? Because with all those glands shooting adrenalin and other hormones, I was not myself. My body, tone of voice. Was not cooperative.
Responsibility took a new level.
To my girl friend I was a victim and did not take responsibility for my actions. I was saying "Adrenaline did that", " my body did that"
She was right.

Of course at the time, I thought I was very responsible ( I called the police to restrain myself) and my attitude was great ( I refrained myself from biting the officer and punching him in the nose).

She did not see that. Because when we are toxic we have different levels of expectations. We get closer to survival mode than godly consciousness.

She did not reach me. I did not reach her. I was very disconnected, like you feel sometimes.

I wanted her to go to my level. She did not and that was smart. I would have dragged everyone down.

Although once you get upset. It's too late to be responsible. The responsibility is before that. Taking your sauna, taking dominion over your consciousness and thoughts, doing a detox program. Eat foods that facilitate detox. Indeed a immense level of responsibility to endorse.

Don't be a perfectionist, it will take you time you need, no more no less.



Now after you get your attitude back in control - I don't know if you are there - It might also goes on and off, nothing is an event, just processes. And nothing is written on stone.


Your friends and familly are trying to help you. They are failing.
Trying doesn't cut it.
They are true and right. Unfortunately they are ahead of you, behind you or hovering over you. Regardless they are missing where you are.


You are toxic. You don't think straight and will not realize it. There is nothing much painful when this realization comes. I stopped trusting myself when I did. An error in consciousness, not a mistake (error vs mistake is that mistake is judgmental). A realization is not made to loose confidence or trust in oneself. It's a detox test. God lovingly 'testing' whether you are up for the next level. I was repeating one more time.

The most difficult thing to do was to listen to my friends. They all will tell you what to do to get better, it's always going to be a different thing and I don't have energy for all those things.

Your mind will tell you how much they are wrong and they don't know what they are talking about. Refrain from arguing. Do what they say, refrain from resisting. That's toxic talk, you want to clean talk and clean act.

Yes I returned to employment about 14 months ago.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Didn't move out of the house for about 18 months before that except to see a doctor or take a sauna.
I could barely think, I signed up in a temp agency to do some manufacture work at $8.25/hour, on the week end only, night shift. That's what I asked.
Why? Because I knew I would have a chance to get the job, although I had no experience whatsoever. I am an engineer by formation and at the time I was thinking ' I was ' - this is a really important - necessary step. To get back to who you were you have to totally let go, unattached, forgotten.
Believe me that was hard. I could barely do the repetitive job I was assigned as a tube pick packer.
It's great because as small the check is, it's my first checks in 18 months.
Then I started saying most people I met, 'I am looking for a job... Will work for free to try' even though I looked I was going to pass out, I did not let anything stop me, not the weather, very cold in MA winter, not friends, familly, doctors opinions.

Do not buy into their belief, love them regardless of what they think or say. If you get upset more than likely you need a sauna.


Just put your intention out there. Out loud, to complete strangers. God will work with you.

Do not wait to gain confidence. Do not wait to get your brains back.

Forget about who you were before in terms of work, relationships, a body poisoning is something as large as life, be grateful to remember who you were, still be alive and have somewhat of a consciousness, do not judge how different you are, accept it, people may live you, always love them, that's the key to your healing with body care. Do not let this hold you back. Let it go, the heavy metals will go.

It's as much as a consciousness detox than a body detox.

Get out there, now of course this is when you will have energy to do that. God acts in miraculous ways, he will give you more energy as you show some action.

It's painful, it's very painful, don't focus on that, you experience it an it's behind. What you accept you get power to use, what you resist persist. Just go through it, stay now, all you have to look forward to is your next breath. There is no further to put your focus on, you will be tested in the tough time. All you have to do is keep breathing. A new life is already there and you already started it with this email.

Healing is not from this dimension, it's a divine intervention in process, not an event. Light to you.